Dancing With Change, Part II
Submitted by Martie Adler, American Student Assistance

Dancing requires either enough expertise to trust that our body knows and remembers how to move to the music or, being very aware and conscious of how we are moving to the music. Our level of skill will determine the amount of focus we give to the dance. The emerging theme here is that as with any new activity, learning to dance with change will become much easier as our skill level and ability increase with practice. And the opportunities for growth will be never ending!

Watching the Dance
If you have taken the time to consciously observe yourself and your reactions to events in your life, you have begun to notice how our beliefs can trigger all sorts of emotional responses, especially when we are confronted with change. One reader asked whether self-directed change was any easier to deal with. The answer is not necessarily. Self-directed change can cause an upheaval of emotion in our lives just as often as change directed by others. The difference is that in self-directed change the emotion is often delayed until we’ve begun planning for the change, whereas in outside-directed change, it often rises immediately. In both cases, the emotion may show up as self-doubt, indecision, or anxiety and is often experienced physically (nervous stomach, headaches, etc.) before we are conscious enough to become aware of it mentally.

If you have been able to simply observe your beliefs without any judgment, you probably have not had much emotion arise from it. If, on the other hand, you became mentally involved with your observation, you probably experienced quite a bit of self-judgment stemming from your beliefs. In either case, we’re going to continue our dance with change and take a look at two methods that have helped others in observing and managing their responses to change.

New Dance Routines
We all acquire skill through knowledge and practice, so until we learn different methods and gain expertise through practice, our dance with change usually begins with resistance. We have a “zone” of comfort and complacency that is derived from our beliefs, thoughts, and convictions all designed to keep us from becoming uncomfortable. Feelings begin to arise that we really do not want to deal with—the emotional triggers that change is the catalyst for. People go to great lengths to insure that things do not change. In fact, a great deal of energy is expended in the resistance to change rather than in learning the dance. We want to believe that we are in control.

The first routine that can assist us in learning the dance is to realize that the only control we have is over ourselves and our behavior—nothing else. We may be able to influence but we actually have no control over anything else (test this one, you’ll see the proof). The model is actually one question you can ask yourself when faced with an event or situation. Take a few minutes to observe your response and reaction to the event, and then ask yourself—Do I Have Control Over This? If yes, then you have the opportunity to decide how you are going to react and what action you are going to take. If you truly have control, then you can begin to utilize the practice of seeing where your resistance is coming from. If the answer is no, then let it go. This is the stage where so many of us fall into habitual response……we are not able to let it go. And the longer we stay in resistance the greater the emotion will be. It begins to take on a life of its own and entire stories get created that are based upon emotion rather than fact. It is a common cycle and one that uses a great deal of energy. It seems rather obvious that it would be in our best interest to use that energy toward a positive outcome, dancing rather than resisting. This brings us to the second dance routine, learning how to move with the music.

Allowing the Music to Move You
Allowing ourselves to be moved by a piece of music requires a letting go, a desire to experience rather than to restrain our expression. How that translates to dancing with change is to allow ourselves to release the perceived control and look at a situation or event without our triggered emotional responses. Use of the word allow is deliberate—give yourself the freedom (from emotionally-driven responses) to look at a situation as an observer. Separate yourself from the dance, become part of the audience, and see what is really happening.

Begin to realize that WHAT IS—IS. And, WHAT ISN’T—ISN’T. A piece of the resistance pattern is that we want something to be different than it is. We either refuse to accept what it is, or we believe it should be something different. In either case, we refuse to acknowledge that in this very moment, the situation is just what it is. It is a waste of time and emotion to wish something was different than it is. Once we can accept the facts of a situation, we can then put our energy into a decision about how we are going to respond to it. We can consciously choose the nature of our response, whether that is acceptance and agreement, or whether it will be an attempt to influence the final outcome. This type of response is much more clear and focused and will give us the freedom of dancing with change rather than resisting it.

Choosing a Partner or Dancing Alone
Practicing the new routines described here will positively modify your response to change. You will regain control over habitual and, often unconscious, responses and deliberately focus your energy and attention on the change. I am often asked if this will work when no one else is responding in this manner, and the answer is yes. Remember that you have no control over anything or anyone but yourself; however, the possibility to influence is certain. As others in your work group and team begin to observe your new way of responding, you will become a living model of a different way of interaction with change. Dancing with Change is relatively easy to bring into an organization or team and we will explore those possibilities in part three. Enjoy the dance!

Martie Adler is a consultant with American Student Assistance, a FFELP guarantor. Martie is part of the Consultative Services team and provides consulting services to client schools in the areas of organizational development, change management, and leadership development. Martie has worked in the financial aid and student financial services industry for over twenty five years, and has been an independent consultant and coach for fifteen years. Martie can be reached at madler@amsa.com.

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©2006 American Student Assistance. This article may be reformatted and reproduced for distribution by any non-profit or not-for-profit organization without obtaining the consent of the author provided that the copyright notice, author, and author’s biography are included within any subsequent publication.