Blow it Up or Blow it Off?
Clues for Handling Conflict Resolution
By Allyson Wynne, Citbank – The Student Loan Corporation

Conflicts are not uncommon to social settings. Misunderstandings and communication problems are one of the most widespread sources of turmoil in the workplace. Though conflict may be inevitable and unavoidable at times, there are ways to figure out how to cope with and manage on-the-job conflicts. The following are some strategies to effectively deal with conflict situations that may arise in the workplace.

Separate the person from the problem – It is easy to get caught up in interpersonal disputes. If you are able to take the person out of the situation and focus on the situation itself, you will be more proactive in your approach versus reacting to the behaviors of another individual.

Exchange perceptions – You need to understand my position. I need to understand your position. I may not necessarily agree, but I do need to understand where you are coming from. Think of a quarter. When holding it up in front of another person, you both see a quarter, right? But, you may be looking at heads, while the other person is looking at tails. It’s the same thing (still a quarter), but you both are seeing it from different sides. Help me understand where you are coming from and how you perceive the issue.

Acknowledge emotions – Let the individual know that you recognize how they are feeling about the situation. Let them know how you are feeling as well. Ask yourself the following questions—Are you sure that the other person is really the problem and that you are not overreacting? Have you always experienced difficulty with the same type of person or actions? Does a pattern exist for you in your interactions with coworkers or customers? Do you recognize that you have “hot buttons” that are easily pushed? Always start with self-examination to determine that the object of your attention really is a difficult person’s actions.

Use gestures – This signals your desire for a mutually acceptable solution. The caution, however, is not to let it get too personal. Take me to lunch. Send me an email. Make a call to ask about another issue I have a stake in. Find a way for everyone to “save face.” The objective is not to make me lose or to embarrass me.

Focus on interests, not positions
Ask why – Try to get at the motives and values that are driving my position. “Why does that concern you so much?”
Deal with specifics and examples – Challenge generalizations by asking for specifics and examples. “What do you mean by that?” “Could you give me an example?”
Find both common and differing interests – “What are the things that we agree on here?” “So the real root of our differences is in this…?”
Look forward, not back – Don’t deal with past animosities or mistakes. The object is to find a way to make it work in the future. “I don’t want to go back to that. I’d rather deal with what we can do now.”

Invent options for mutual gain
Brainstorm possibilities – The more ideas that get surfaced, the better the chances of finding a mutually-acceptable solution. Try to avoid instantly shooting down ideas.
See the situation through the other person’s eyes – How might you see and handle the situation if roles were reversed? What would be my concerns if I were in your shoes?
Look for mutual gains – What might be helpful to us both? What would be most helpful to the organization?
Look for win-win opportunities – Is there a side issue or a small point on which we can agree and build some momentum?

Keep in mind that most people will not change their unpleasant styles of relating to others. Therefore, the person who deals with them must learn to change the way in which they respond to these types of people. There is great value to be gained when we take the time to try to understand another’s viewpoint. By changing our attitude toward them we can find a wealth of knowledge to improve our own ability to work with people.

Getting away from conflict in the workplace is not always possible. The key is not allowing yourself to be reactive when conflict situations do arise – choose to be proactive by implementing the suggestions outlined above and you will be on your way to a more effective resolution.