It’s About Ego
By Dan Brent, Citibank

One of our “techies” has a vanity license plate that reads “Byte Off.” Clever. Wherever he goes, you know it’s his car. And, if you didn’t already know him, there’s a message that tells what he does for a living. My plate is CFN 3827. You’d have to be really looking for me to notice that. Apparently there are lots of people who will pay an extra $75 to get plates that will be noticed. It’s about ego.

This is not a criticism. Ego is a good thing. Whatever we can do to enhance our egos will make life easier and more fun. It’s a crowded world. The population of the planet is somewhere near 6.4 billion people and it increases by about 200 every minute. And, as Andy Warhol noted, we are all looking for our fifteen minutes of fame!

In 1961, Jenny Joseph wrote the now famous poem that starts “When I am an old woman I shall wear purple, with a red hat which doesn't go and doesn't suit me.” Believe it or not, “Red Hat” groups are popping up in churches and communities all over. People want to make a statement: “Here I am; I am I!” People don’t want to get lost in the crowd.

Bill Byham runs Development Dimensions International, a company that produces training material. He also writes neat little books on workplace relationships. One of his persistent and major points is the advice that we do well if we look for opportunities to offer people compliments. He’s talking about the one-liners that enhance someone’s self esteem. To a student you say, “You’ve done a really good job on this material.” To a co-worker you say, “I really liked the sensitive way you dealt with that student.” To your boss you say, “You did a cool job handling that crisis.”

It would be easy for a Financial Aid office to become a factory of sorts. “Next. Next. Next. Next.” That gets the work done, but it’s not much fun for either the staff or the student customers. Many of you have probably seen the 17-minute film that is called “FISH!” It’s about the Pike Place Fish Market in Seattle. The point of the film is that the workplace can and should be fun. If the staff looks for opportunities to have fun, the customers will catch on and join in. So, at Pike Place, they throw fish around, pick up on names and kid with the customers, and applaud for people who respond. I doubt that the Vice President for Student Services would appreciate that level of chaos in the Financial Aid office. But surely there are ways to send a message to the students that this stop on their schedule is more fun and more personal than they expected!

The experts who write on this topic of making people feel special say that two qualities are essential in giving compliments. One is sincerity. If you don’t mean it, don’t say it. Everyone has a “Phony Detector” that belies the insincere compliment. The other essential quality is being specific. Your telling me, “You do nice work” doesn’t cut it. It does nothing for my ego. But if you say, “I appreciate your getting this back to us early. It helps us stay ahead of the volume,” – now that I take as a compliment.

Six billion is a lot of egos to stroke. But look at it this way. There are six billion of us to attempt the task, to give the compliments, to make the others feel special. That ought to be enough! Perhaps more realistically, you – just you – are in a remarkable position to make someone’s day. Students come to you with problems that are worrisome – or will be if they can’t be worked out. So you are in a remarkably good position to be helpful.

And to make them feel like somebody.

Dan Brent is a Professional Development Officer with Citibank. He regularly presents seminars for Financial Aid Office people.